Dating Advice.Dating and marriage is very different than it was twenty years ago. In modern society,more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just the thought about that makes “commitment” quite daunting. It seems that as soon as relationships are faced with challenges, people give up trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone at a deeper level.
For married couples,divorce is not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the outcome can be the same. The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are demanding. Things do not always work out, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make a success of it.
When people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling inadequate and unhappy. However, despite the odds not looking very good, healthy, and long-lasting relationships are undeniably possible and proven by a great many people.
Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and president Reagan. What were their underlying secrets? The short answer is that they all work hard at their relationship. They made a decision of choosing to love and honor their partner. The same applies to marriage.
Not everything will be perfect and there will be tremendous obstacles to hurdle, but you have to make as much effort as you can to make it work. There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. To help get you headed in the right direction, we have picked:
20 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.
1. The Power of Touch When a child is ill,doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch of a parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis.It is the same for relationships. Playing with your mate’s hair,rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your partner responds to you.
Can you remember the last time you walked up to your partner, for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on their neck? This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way.There is a difference. The next time the two of you are sitting in the car, at the grocery story, or standing in line at the theater, quietly reach over and take their hand. Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time!
2 . Re-establish Old Traditions If you and your partner had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met after work on Friday at the local bar for a drink, washed your cars together every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday. Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition.
3 . Predictability Asking couples some of the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your partner sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch.
Again,if your partner spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it. When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss,say, “I love you,” and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected.
4 . Surprise If you and your partner have scheduled some time for a Saturday night dinner, put together a surprise instead. For example, if your partner loves professional wrestling,buy some tickets near the front or if they like concerts, purchase the tickets ahead of time, getting the best seats possible. When Friday night comes around, be adamant on driving and head toward the location where the event is taking place.
When your partner persist in knowing where you are going,simply answer, “I have a surprise for you. I know you love professional wrestling so I purchased two great seats for tonight’s performance,” or “I know we had intended on going to dinner, but I wanted to render you speechless with something special. I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert.”
The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart!
5 . Start Over When couples first start dating, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little irritating things the other person does. However,after time lapses, the nagging starts, instead of compliments like, “You look beautiful,” they might hear “Why are you wearing that shirt?” If this sounds like your relationship, first, you both need to sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place.
Then together, make a devotion to start afresh. The truth is,both of you will have to work on this. It will not be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other,forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation. Focus purely on the special things your partner does and learn to put the unimportant things aside. This will take some time so be patient.
6 . Schedule Time Spending quality time together is crucial. This time can be with friends, dining out,attending a sporting event,or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie. The activity is not what is important, but the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy. People have extremely demanding schedules. Between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your loved one can be challenging.
Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar,show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time with each other. Once the plan is in place, no backing out unless you have some life and death emergency.
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7. Communicate When couples are having problems in a relationship,communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be silence than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both partners let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk.
Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything,which is completely fine. However, if you do not agree, do not scream. Rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, figure out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short period of time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.
8. Cuddle Time When couples first start dating, cuddling is generally a part of their everyday existence. However, as the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the cuddling stops. Take some time just to cuddle. If your partner is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle. This makes both partners feel secure and loved.
9. That Kiss As couples develop into being comfortable with each other,kisses can become lame. Get rid of the pecks and get serious with the kisses.The next time the two of you greet each other, enjoy your kiss and do not be so quick to stop. While there are appropriate times for serious kissing, they should be loving, sincere, and passionate, regardless of how long they last. You will find that as you pay attention to your kissing and let your mate know that you enjoy kissing them, you will both feel better about your relationship.
10. Breakfast in Bed When was the last time you or your partner were served breakfast in bed? Never? On a Saturday or Sunday, when nothing special is planned, get up a little early and fix their favorite breakfast. Include the morning newspaper as an added bonus. Although they may be shocked, you can be guaranteed that this gesture of love will be appreciated.
11. Be Kind to One Another Unbelievably, kindness is often over simplified. Even good relationships can lack acts of kindness. This refers to “Do unto others…” Simple acts of kindness can have huge impacts on a relationship. If your husband or boyfriend is out working on the car on a hot summer day, make a thermos of ice-cold tea and take it to him, giving him a gentle kiss.
If your wife or girlfriend has been working at the computer all day, walk up behind her and massage her shoulders and neck. You get the idea. Kindness means looking at the other person’s situation and seeing what you can do or add to that situation to make it better or easier. This is a way to validate your respect for each other. Kindness goes a long way in a relationship.
12. Listen – Really Listen Get into a habit of listening to what your mate is saying. Not the kind of listening that you do when you go out or sit at the dinner table, but a different kind of listening. Have you ever overheard your partner make a comment to a friend or family member about something they really want or want to do? Maybe you heard your boyfriend or husband tell a friend that they would love a certain tool.
For no reason whatsoever, make a special effort to get that for him. You might have heard your girlfriend or wife mention a spa that they would love to try. Again, without any reason, surprise her.
13. Love Means Having to Say You Are Sorry If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is hurtful or damaging to the relationship, say that you are sorry. Many people struggle with these words, even when they know that what they did was improper. Do not wait until you think you have the courage but say it immediately, and with sincerity. Too often when couples argue, there is a long period of silence, which actually makes the anger and tension prolong. You need to let your partner know straight away that you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness. It actually takes a strong person to apologize.
Do not wait until you think you have the courage but say it immediately, and with sincerity. Too often when couples argue, there is a long period of silence, which actually makes the anger and tension prolong. You need to let your partner know straight away that you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness.
14. Maintain Your Health You might think – what does good health have to do with a good relationship? In reality, it has a lot to do with it. Having a good relationship means having the energy to enjoy getting out and doing things together. To do that, it is important to eat right. When people are tired,they become short-tempered and frustrated.
For this logic, it is important to get the right amount of sleep. Good exercise keeps your body in shape for being adventurous together. Taking care of your body and mind will flow over into your relationship and make you a calmer, stronger,and better-balanced person.
15. Compliment – A Lot Be generous with compliments. It is very common for people to notice something nice about another person and think about it internally, but never really voicing it out. When in a relationship, compliments are like glue.They hold the couple’s attention and respect. Make sure your compliments are sincere and based on something you see or hear your partner do. If you have a clogged garbage disposal and your boyfriend or husband is able to unclog it, compliment them on being handy. If your girlfriend or wife takes her mother to the doctor, compliment her on her generosity.
The fact is that denigration is destructive and can very quickly tear a relationship apart. Just like the cliché, “If you do not have something nice to say, then do not say anything at all.” This is very true – take notice of the good things your mate does and make it known to them that you see and appreciate those things.
16. Leave the Baggage Behind Every person on the face of the Earth has some kind of history, or “baggage”, although at varying degrees. Try not to walk into a relationship with your arms loaded with that baggage. The past is the gone. Despite the fact there are things from the past that are hurtful,and even damaging, learn from those things and come out a better and stronger person. This allows you to step into a new relationship with better knowledge of what not to do. Leave the baggage from the past alone, focus on today, and look forward to tomorrow.
17. Financial Woes One of the major reasons other than fidelity that marriages fall apart is due to finances. When couples are struggling with money problems, tempers flare, frustration builds, drinking may start, and it is an all-around unhealthy situation. The instant there are any signs of financial difficulties, the two of you need to without delay sit down and figure out a plan on how to deal with the problem. If needed, go to see a financial consultant or a credit counseling service to help you get back on track. Do not allow your finances to get out of line or your relationship will certainly suffer.
18. No Place for Abuse Regardless of how much you love your partner and believe in who they are, there is NEVER an appropriate time for abuse, whether physical, emotional,or verbal. If your partner shows aggression or any form of abuse toward you, seek counseling for both of you immediately to try to work through things. If your partner refuses to go, even if it is hard,leave. Your safety comes first. Second, it is possible for people to learn ways in which to manage their aggression. If this is the case, the life of the relationship has a much better chance of surviving!
19. The Grass is NOT Greener! Too many times, people get tired of working on the relationship they are currently in and feel that by moving on to another person, they will find greener pastures. This is just not the case. What happens is when you move to another person, things are fresh, new, and exciting just as they were in the beginning of your current relationship. Within time, that relationship will also start experiencing differences and bumps in the road.
Unless you are being abused or your partner is doing something illegal or completely irresponsible, perhaps the efforts you would put into starting a new relationship would be better spent fixing the one you have.
20. No Jealousy Allowed To have a healthy relationship,caring and concern are fine but when those emotions change into jealousy, this could be the introduction of trouble. Trust is probably the number one element needed in order to have a strong relationship. Without trust, things will quickly deteriorate. If one of you masters something special, receives a promotion at work, or achieves some great feat, You need to talk about this and ensure that any feelings of inadequacies are permanently put to rest.
Every person needs assurance at some time or another and as long as you can communicate, things will be fine. However, if your partner becomes withdrawn or irritated, these could be signs that more is going on. Once jealousy enters a relationship, problems are soon to follow. There could be a small spark of jealousy on the other person’s part.
How to Ask Someone Out on a Date No more hesitations, this is the moment you have been dreaming of and only you could push it to reality. But, how could you have that dream date? Of course, you have to start from the top. And, that is to ask the person you are interested out on a date. Well, how could you invite a person out? Do you need to be aggressive? Do you need to play safe? Tips to ask someone out would surely be a great help for you.
The following are simple but very essential tips you could lean on in times that you seem to find it hard asking a person for a date. For men, these tips are really great help for you to invite that person in your mind. Know the right reason or reasons for asking a person out. When you know your purpose, it would surely have the idea of how to express it in a medium that you are most comfortable with.
• What if the person says no? Save that part of you and prepare to whatever the answer of the other person is. Do not take the “no” so heavily. Learn the beauty of grace in such times.
• In order to say well the words you want to express, you may try to do some practicing in order for you to get conditioned of how to say such lines you needed to tell the person you want to be with.
• Be sure that you have the most important details you have for the date in mind. The person might say “yes” and you just do not know where to go, that would be a real “turn off”. As much as possible, be ready with ideas.
• See to it that you know how to answer whenever the person asks you why you are asking her out. You do not have to be a very huge flatterer but you have to make sure that you make the person feel good. This way of showing how much thoughtful you are.
• Never pressure a person to go out with you. This is not healthy and it would even branch out to negative outcomes. Remember not to pressure a person to tell you why it is a “no”.
• Do not stand people up. This means that when you ask a person out, you mean it and you do not leave her just expecting for nothing at all.
• If the person says no, do not be bitter about it. You just have to move on and never treat the person unwell.
• Having some beer just to boost your confidence is a no. It may just push you to worse situations. You have to be naturally confident.
• The more, the merrier but not for a first date. When you are out to ask a person for a date, do not do it when she is with a circle of friends. These are really useful tips and you have to take note of them, they would surely help you out in maximizing the time you spend with that special person.